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It's a western! It's a caper film! It's martial arts action! It's a farce! It's Millionaire's Express, with Hong Kong stalwart Sammo Hung on both sides of the camera! For HK fans, this film makes nearly as little sense as Jackie Chan's Fantasy Mission Force. Sammo plays a ne'er do well who comes back to his hometown with a platoon of sexy kung-fu hookers in tow and sets up business. The Shanghai Express, loaded with the rich and famous, is scheduled to come through town , and our man Sammo plans to derail it by blowing up the tracks, then entice the passengers to spend their money in town and (hopefully) visit his brothel as well. So far, so good. Problem is, a gang of thieves is on board the train, and a gang of Japanese mercenaries is after a map of valuable terracotta figures from a temple. Add to this mix a pair of jailbirds who hope to be freed by letting the train run over their shackles and an man and woman dressed inexplicably in 19th-century U.S. Cavalry outfits and you have a thoroughly confusing mess of a Hong Kong action comedy. The only thing that's missing is a cameo appearance by the Three Stooges. Sammo pulls it off quite well, though, with some killer fight segments towards the end, gorgeous lighting and camera work and trademark jaw-dropping HK stunt work. Anyhow, forget about how confusing it is and just go along for the ride on the Millionaire's Express. --Jerry Renshaw
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